Welcome to The Last Chance Democracy Café’s virtual Republican Darts Arcade!
As cafe regulars know, we have seven dartboards in the café’s lounge, each featuring the face of a particularly annoying conservative (trying to whittle down the possible candidates during the weekly selection process is a killer). At the end of each week, we count up the holes to determine the most dartworthy conservative.
We decided that it was time to create virtual Republican darts, as a public service, so that those unable to visit the café in person may, nevertheless, participate in this noble experiment in democracy. Now, you too can cast your vote for the cherished title of most dartworthy conservative simply by picking which of our three virtual dartboards you will play (yes, it’s also okay to play all three of them). New dartboards (with new conservative faces) will be rotated in on a regular basis, so as to include as many deserving candidates as possible.
We realize that keeping up will be a constant struggle: As we often say about the non-virtual dartboards here at the cafe, “So little time, and so many revolting conservatives yet to be done.”
Our first three dartworthy candidates are, admittedly, fairly obvious choices:
(1.) George W. Bush — What would the debut of virtual Republican darts be without the worst president in American history? Here are just a few of his many accomplishments in office: Starting a disastrous and utterly unnecessary war based upon lies; selling the government out to wealthy special interests; running up historic budget deficits to fund tax giveaways to the wealthy; questioning the patriotism of those who question his policies; instituting numerous dictatorship like power grabs. Yup, there’s no doubt about it: George W. Bush is one truly worthy candidate for the coveted title of most dartworthy conservative. So go ahead, see if you can wipe that virtual sneer off his virtual face by hitting him smack-dab in the middle of his virtual nose!
(2.) Tom DeLay – What can we say? The man who for years ran the House of Representatives of the United States Congress as though it were his own personal tinhorn dictatorship. He consistently broke House rules, stifled all meaningful debate and, oh yeah, was a two-bit crook to boot. Now, admittedly, a dart is probably not going to get the job done with Tom. It would likely take a stake driven through the heart to even get the attention of the Prince of Darkness. Still, we do what we can.
(3.) Jack Abramoff – Again, what can we say? Some scoundrels are so evil they deserve to be kicked even when they’re down. Abramoff (with a lot of help from his Republican friends) did more to junk American democracy than virtually anyone else alive. So let those darts fly!